After two years, me and my best friend have decided to go our separate ways. It is not that the love is gone. Mike and I just came to an impass. We decided to call it quits before it got ugly. I’ll say it has been the most amicable parting I have ever lived through. But then again I expected nothing less from him. Mike has always been quite the mensch.

I am so sad I can’t stand it. I have been crying for a week and I am sure I will be crying for many weeks to come. I can not tell you how bad I will miss him. I have 10 days of holiday from work ahead of me. The only solid commitments I have made are to myself: sleep as much as I want, only make plans that have an escape hatch, try to get a massage, see the therapist on Tuesday, try to eat well when I can eat, buy shoes.

The last few days have been so weird. It is like we were living out the last few days of our relationship, but discussing the business of the end: plane schedules (he is going back to Los Angeles), the dividing of a very small amount of mutual stuff and making sure I know the numbers and info of the house maintenance we were in the middle of (long post to come on the precarious foundation of my house). I would much rather see it end this way. I am so glad there has been no hateful words or bad arguements. I am stressed, depressed and queasy enough as it is.

Yeah I know–how sad, so close to Christmas. Whatever. Bah-humbug–pass the eggnog. Hell, just give me the whiskey. I have had offers to go see friends Christmas day, but I will have to see how I feel. But, I don’t want to freak someone’s kids out by my excessive drinking and crying. My family offered some tremendous support offering to change holiday plans at the last minute, or fly me to New Orleans to be with them. But, I really want to stay here with my fur family, laying in a pile on the big empty bed. I am hoping that will mask the smell of him that I am sure has permeated the mattress.

Because the split went down after I bought Christmas presents, but before I could send them here is what some of you will not be getting for Christmas:

Very nice bottle of sparkling wine slated for my brother and sister in-law. Sorry guys no alcohol will be leaving the house this season. I am sure you guys would have loved it. It has a really well designed label. But Sister has big plans to hit the sauce and drown her sorrows.

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I got this for my grandmother because I thought she might dig it. Mike has it on CDs. Mike and my grandmother have so much in common, we call them Frick and Frack. I got her the same book. I figured she would have loved it. Sorry Granny. I am sending a B&N gift card. Get a book you really want and I can lend you this tear stained copy when I am done.

iPod music card that I got for my niece. But she decided she did not want the iPod for Christmas. I had to brave Saturday mall traffic from hell to get another card from her favorite clothing store. Next week I will be surfing the online music store probably drunk as hell at 2am in search of sappy music that I can either torture myself with or great music to help me get my groove back on. Not sure–which ever will get me threw this big wave of grief faster. I do know there will be no need to download that fucking Sinaed O’Connor that has been on a 7-day loop in my head.

These frames were gong to be filled with a fabulous photo of Me and Mike from the beach. The whole family was getting one. I will either return it for the cash, or fill them for myself with pictures of the dogs. Well maybe I will save one for that picture of Me and Mike at the beach. It is a good picture.

And finally this photo album. I was going to fill it with more great photos of the vacation for Mom. Sorry mom. I am filling it with photos of the last two years. But not for me. I am sending it off with the rest of Mike’s stuff. Like I said, we part amicably. He made me the happiest I have been in a while, inspired and freed me up to become a fiber artist, and taught me to grow more than I could have ever imagined. So the relationship did not pan out, but it is definitely worth holding on to some how even if it is just in my heart and in memories.

His flight is tomorrow evening.